Unwriting

The most important key on a writer's keyboard is the delete key. I'm currently wading through yet another draft of Dragonsgate: Devils. On my early drafts, my primary focus is to make sure every bit of information the reader will need to understand a scene is making it to the page. I'd rather give them too much information instead of too little. Too much can be tedious to get through, but too little means the reader is lost and confused.

Still, this philosophy means I wind up with drafts where I've got redundancies, flab, and distractions. It's time for my prose to go on a diet. My current draft isn't so much writing as unwriting. I'm weighing each sentence and deciding if it really needs to be there. I break up long sentences, merge shorter ones, and delete words, phrases, and entire paragraphs if they aren't important to the reader's understanding. The goal here is flow and focus.

Here's the previous version of a few lines from the end of a scene where Hex is trying to destroy the foundries at Dragon Forge. It's told from Burke's point of view. The old version is 342 words. It's perfectly readable. But, it's an action scene, where every word needs to be driving the action forward. Instead, I muddy things up. Here's the old version:

Hex was well clear of the impact zone as ball after ball bit into the bricks above. The cracks in the smokestack grew larger. Burke cursed as brick shards and cannonball shrapnel rained down on him. Then he cursed even louder as the iron ladder began to peel away from the smokestack, bending outward, carrying him into open space. Though he was preoccupied with not falling, he somehow kept one eye on Hex circling back around over the still semi-intact smokestack. The dragon had pulled a few grenades from the bandolier with his dexterous hind-talons. Three rings were snatched away, and three black orbs trailed sparks as they fell. Hex had excellent aim. All three balls went right into the chimney shaft. Burke heard them bouncing and banging against the walls. Then, with a boom muffled by the brick, all three went off at once. The cracks in the smokestack spread further as Hex wheeled back once more. This time, he drew up just short of collision with the chimney and kicked out with his powerful hind talons, their might magnified by his Atlantean armor. This was the final shove needed. The chimney shuddered, popped, and split down the middle before collapsing. The bent ladder Burke clung to was no longer attached to anything. 

Burke had cheated death quite often since barely surviving the rebellion in Conyers. The world had chewed up and swallowed him bit by bit, leaving him scarred, bruised, and short a limb. Any time he glanced into a mirror, he was confronted by reminders of his own mortality. As the iron ladder gave way and he tumbled toward his death, he found a strange peace taking hold of him. He closed his eyes. When he’d hit the ground, if the mystics were right, his body would perish, but his soul would linger on. And if his assumptions proved correct, and nothing followed death… 

He opened his eyes. If he had a half second left to experience the world, he might as well make the most of it. 

The revised version is 202 words.

Hex was well clear of the impact zone as ball after ball bit into the bricks above. The cracks in the smokestack grew larger. Burke cursed as brick shards and cannonball shrapnel rained down on him. Then he cursed even louder as the iron ladder began to peel away from the smokestack, bending outward. 

Hex circled back over the semi-intact smokestack. The dragon had pulled a few grenades from the bandolier with his dexterous hind-talons. Three rings were snatched away, and three black orbs trailed sparks as they fell. 

Hex had excellent aim. All three balls went right into the chimney shaft. Burke heard them bouncing and banging against the walls. With a muffled boom, all three went off at once. The cracks in the smokestack spread further as Hex wheeled back once more. This time, he drew up just short of collision with the chimney, kicking out with his powerful hind talons. The chimney shuddered, popped, and split down the middle before collapsing. The ladder Burke clung to was no longer attached to anything. 

As Burke tumbled toward the distant earth, he kept his eyes open. He had seconds left to experience the world. He might as well make the most of them. 

You probably noticed I deleted Burke's history of close calls and his musing about souls. The man is falling towards his death. It's not something I want to drag out. But the more significant edit is this one:

Though he was preoccupied with not falling, he somehow kept one eye on Hex circling back around over the still semi-intact smokestack.

Which becomes:

Hex circled back over the semi-intact smokestack

I left it to the reader to assume Burke doesn't want to fall. Describing Hex's actions without describing Burke witnessing them isn't really a POV violation. The reader can just assume Burke sees this.

 It can be disheartening, highlighting a long string of words and hitting delete. It took a lot of work to get those words onto the page. Now, with a keystroke, they're gone, unwritten. But this is the step that gives your work flow and focus. Don't skip it. 

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